The day went on as planned; no more accidents or falling objects. Just the banalities of arriving in any new city: settling into a new apartment, unpacking the few items I carried. After the kids had settled down for their afternoon naps I went out for groceries. Stepping outside in a strange city alone for the first time after saying good bye to a city and a family who I came to love and feel attached to is no easy feat. Although I have arrived to a warm and sunny day in Copenhagen, there was a chill that seemed to follow me at every turn. The streets were full of activities and pedestrians, yet I felt like a falling leaf in autumn, floating aimlessly in the wind.
The grocery store feels more foreign to me than I thought it would. After nearly a month of reading (or trying to read) labels in Dutch and French, seeing Danish on everything somehow caught me off guard. I began sobbing softly at first while still struggling to figure out whether the carton I was holding in my hand was indeed milk. Suddenly all reason and sanity eluded me. I burst into tears in the dairy isle, unaware and uncaring who would see me. A concerned store clerk came over to check on me.
"Can I help you?" The store clerk asked while afraid of getting too close to me.
"I...I..don't know..what...this...says!" I managed to let out in between sobs and pointed at the carton I was holding in my hand.
"Sorry? I don't understand." The store clerk said meekly as if careful not to provoke me further.
At my own incapability of further communication, I sat on the floor and cried my heart out, all the while mumbling:
"Je veux du chocolat! Beaucoup de chocolat!"
why in French? I have no clue! I don't even speak French! Why I asked for chocolate? No clue about that either!
Sensing defeat, the store clerk quietly slipped away to leave me to wallow and sulk at my own pity. Some minutes later I walked myself out of the grocery store still sobbing and pouting. At a lost of where to go or what to do, I sat on a side walk like a wondering gypsy and watched cars go by.
For some of you who do not know me personally may think that I am either an amateur traveler or plain crazy. But I'm neither. In fact, I'm quite a seasoned traveler. I have encountered the bombing in London some years ago, countless bomb threats, floods, shootings, and even interrogation by the military junta (in a country that shall remain unnamed). But never have I had a melt down of this scale anytime in my 30 years of life.
I waited until my sobbing became more and more infrequent. I dried my tears and smoothed my hair. I looked back at the grocery store defiantly as I remembered a Chinese maxim: get up from where you have fallen. I took a deep breath and gathered up all the strength and courage I had in me, then walked back into the store and went about my shopping with not a care in the world how long it took for me to decipher the labels. Nor did I avoid the same store clerk that tried to help me earlier. Instead I walked past her and whispered "thank you".
On the way home, holding a bag of groceries in hand I smiled out of content for the first time since leaving Belgium, finally feeling the warmth of the Scandinavian sun slowly coursing through my body.
Nice way to live, Mate. Keep safe always.
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